Posts Tagged ‘eating disorder’

It’s Been A While…

May 19, 2010 1 comment

Hi all.

So, I probably need to explain where I’ve been and what’s been going on. First off, I’m sorry I haven’t updated. I’ve had a bit of a rough patch with school and work. It has been a really stressful quarter. I’m really starting to get the hang of school and am ecstatic with my progress. It doesn’t hurt to have awesome classmates and professors:) Even with the great education, I am just stressed…hmm…hard to explain.  I guess a big part of me is struggling with all the change going on in my life. In less than a month, I’ll be done with my job after 3.5 years. I’ll miss the kids and some of the teachers and staff so much. I am also still adjusting to life without my nonna, without her house and with how our family is without her. I miss her so much sometimes; it hurts from the bottom of my soul. I am beginning to move on and it’s weird and uncomfortable, but in a sense freeing. I know I am strong enough to be successful and live my best life, but I guess I thought she would be here right along side with me. What’s keeping me going is knowing that she would say, “Don’t be a baby!” haha. Some days are better than others. Grief just doesn’t have a time frame I guess. I’ll try to put my big girl pants on and do it!:)

Another thing going on with me is that I am having quite a resurgence of ED thoughts. I’ve been disappointed with myself with my own “healthy living” progress. With so much going on, I have definitely put taking case of myself on the back burner. When I’m not eating well, I feel crappy. When I feel crappy I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. You get where this is going? Poor self image, etc. I have a little down time with school assignments and am trying to focus more on being my better self. I guess when I did the majority of work on my ED in college, I thought the fight was over. Over the last few weeks I’ve realized that the fight hasn’t ended. With  any addiction or disorder, the fight never ends. I think somewhere along the way I forgot to fight for myself and just wanted to fight for other people. I won’t be able to help anyone in therapy if I am not OK with me, right? I have some work to do ladies and gents. Join me?

I love all of you who read this. You’re awesome. Promise to keep updating, even if it’s not always awesome…at least it’s real!

ps. I ❤ you Thor! she totally wanted me to mention her in the blog 😉 Done and done!

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