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Posts Tagged ‘lessons’

A Kick In The Butt From The Universe!

August 30, 2010 1 comment

Hey guys,

So yesterday, I slept too much, had the worst headache and felt flushed the whole day. Nope, not hung over. I really started freaking myself out! At the beginning of the year, for about a three-month span, I was sick. REALLY sick. I used up all of my sick days and then some at work, I had even less of a social life, and made friends with my pillow. I went to the doctor at least once every few weeks and kept getting different answers. I was told it was just a cold, I was overreacting, I must have a sore throat, strep throat,  an infection, an ear infection. They gave me anti-inflammatory meds and antibiotics. I actually wrote down a list of symptoms (and yes it was long) and the doctor I was seeing tore it from my hands and told me to pick three. She reminded me it was a 15 minute appointment. I was majorly fatigued and had a severely sore throat with swollen glands for almost 2 months at that point. I asked if I could have mono. The doctor rolled her eyes and tested me because I asked. I tested negative. I felt dumb. But I knew something was wrong. The doctor that told me I had an ear infection gave me antibiotics and the day after my last dosage, I woe up with rashes all over me. It was like a horror movie. I may have screamed a little bit.

I was watching The Golden Girls one day when I was home sick, and Dorothy was sick too. She went from doctor to doctor and was told she was fine. It turns out she had the Epstein Barr Virus (now I think they would give her the diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome). I cried. I felt like that. I ended up going back to the doctor – a different one, with a better attitude and she tested me again for mono. I tested negative  – again. She felt the same way I did and got more blood tests done. I had the Epstein Barr virus. Damn, The Golden Girls had tried to tell me something. haha. It was a really weird coincidence though, wasn’t it? After some more rest and a nice dose of Prednisone (I did not want to take it, as my nonna took it and I knew it was a steroid), I felt better. By the time the doctor figured it out, I was feeling better. Within 2 weeks, my swollen glands, the sore throat, and the head aches subsided, but the fatigue stayed with me for a while. By the end of March, I was just about as good as new.

Other than my ED, this was the most isolating experience of my life. I was so sad. I had a good pal, in my friend Thor. She’s a complete germaphobe (I can be too, no judgment 😉 ) but she stuck with me. She and her dad (who’s a doctor) would be like, “You have  a fever? Do this!” I cannot tell you how helpful that was. My mom and I cried one day. I was so sick and she couldn’t do anything to help. We both felt useless I think. I appreciate her letting me cry and giving me the space to do that. The chicken soup didn’t hurt either. At work and at home I kept everyone at a distance. It was a pretty ugly time.

On a positive note, the whole thing helped me to get back to my gut. For years, I didn’t or couldn’t trust my gut. I always felt that my feeling were wrong( I think a lot of people with an ED suffer from this). For the first time in a while I KNEW something was wrong.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Yesterday, the neurotic in me came out. Not feeling well gave me flashbacks to those moments. Waking up this morning and feeling good was just the biggest blessing! I think I needed the reminder that I am a lucky duck. I cannot take my body for granted. I am off to the gym to work out some of that left over anxiety, but I seriously feel like yesterday was some kind of kick in the butt from the universe to get it together and take better care of myself. So I am going to do just that!


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Set backs and victories.

May 1, 2010 1 comment

Hello all! Sorry once again for being MIA. Work and school have been super busy and I haven’t had time for much of anything!

So here are a few updates.

After thinking long and hard, I decided to postpone the 1/2 marathon. With everything going on and my half ass training, I figured I should wait and do it at a different time. All of the money I raised goes to the American Heart Association, so I am simply elated about that. I want everyone to avoid the heartbreak of losing someone to heart disease or a stroke, so the $550 dollars I raised should hopefully help:)

On that note, I have to say I am discouraged about not giving myself time to train, but hopeful that I will be able to find more of a balance between work and school to make time to better myself. Being sick for 2 or 3 months probably didn’t help my motivation, but since being sick, I have this new-found gratitude for being healthy. To wake up and not feel like a train ran me over is kind of awesome:)

On an even more awesome note, this little healthy living club my students and I started is going well! Our discussions are deep and I find that it has turned into a body image discussion more than a “let’s hike and have a smoothie” type of deal. I love hearing them express themselves and feel heard. I love these girls so much…and this facebook status update that was passed on to me kind of made my heart burst with appreciation and joy!

Jessica _____: why do you have to be skinny, or have big boobs, or a nice ass, or a perfect complexion, or wear make-up to be pretty? you’re fine the way you are! (thank you hassett!)

not going to lie…I totally cried! It kind of makes what I have gone through have a purpose and makes me grateful that I have had the experiences I’ve had with students. Sometimes work is so hard and I feel like I am getting nowhere with kids, but at the end of the day I think if I have done something to help one kid, I’ve done something good. I know I am a better person for having spent 4 years with them.

I’m trying to keep this good feeling going at PEETS and study!

Gratitude baby. try it 🙂

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