Details in the Fabric…

This song makes way too much sense to me right now. I feel with school and this new job, life is kind of overwhelming. Sometimes I need a reminder to breathe. I’ve been listening to it on the way to work every morning… I think this song reminds me that we have these periods of our lives that are strange, difficult or simply overwhelming. The lesson here is that they PASS. I will get used to this job and not be new anymore. School will take care of itself as long as I do my part. Every single day I am slowly finding out who I am. 18 months ago, I could never imagine my life being so different and that I would be so satisfied with myself, my endeavors and where I am going. When things seem stressful, it is important to remember everything will be ok…for me and for you too.

Details In The Fabric lyrics
Jason Mraz
(feat. James Morrison)

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up

If it’s a broken part, replace it
But, if it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it’s a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
Mmmhmm

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I’m doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you’re shocked it’s just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature’s sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it’s just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

Done and done :)

i have no words.

so happy this lounge is done!!! take a look!

🙂

It’s crazy to run into you here;)

Hey everyone!

I have been busy NONSTOP over the last 4 days! I started a new job and the hours are early some days and later on other days! I found this gem of a job that I think I am going to really like. It a medically supervised weight loss and maintenance clinic that focuses on nutrition and in many ways the psychology of weight loss. Umm HELLLOOO! that’s me. I feel like this will be a learning exercise for me as well as a job. I see it as something I could do even after grad school as a therapist. They are even starting a group therapy/ support group.:)

Sometimes it is hard to believe that things aren’t meant to be. When I began the interview process for this job, I was actually offered another job. The hours would have been good, but it wasn’t interesting to me, or that great of a deal. I thought I was be stupid to turn down a job in this economy, but I knew that this other job was it for me. At the end of the day I just couldn’t take the other job. I felt bad about it for a while,  but the more interviews I had(there were 3!) the more I realized that this was a job that would be both professionally and personally rewarding!

Anyhoo, this weekend is going to be crazy busy. I have soooo much grad school work to do! OY!

paint update!

here are some pics !

it’s sad how hard it was to push that couch into the middle of the room!!!

gray wall

blue painter’s tape!

I used to wonder why it would take my dad FOREVER to tape up everything. I’m a jerk. It really take a long time!!! New respect for you papa!

I am really proud of myself obviously!

I think I’m more proud of my paint drip prevention than the actual paint job!!

As EVERYONE told me, I did the trim FIRST!!

Reset.

I am more than aware that this blog began as a quest in healthy living. The truth is life just gets in the way of good intentions. The truth is that I have found it easier  to let things go than fight the good fight in being healthy. Inconsistency has been my middle name over the last few months. I do have to say it was not all in vain… The last month or so has been a lesson in understanding myself, where I am in my ED and where I am going from here.Have you ever woken up and said, ENOUGH? That was me today after waking up and barely being able to move after doing the non-aerobic sport of painting. haha. Sad but true. What I do know for sure is that I may not look the way I want, but I am happy with who I am… more than I ever was before. So there. 😉

I have been OBSESSED with reading Geneen Roth over the last month or so. She makes a lot of sense to me. I won’t get to much into it, but she really encourages us to listen to our bodies more. Many of us with food related issues stop listening for what we need and abuse food so it will hopefully fill the void, insecurity or problems we have. Then we go on diets that tell us, hey! You obviously can’t trust yourself to do this right, so eat what we tell you when we tell you. That discourages us even more to listen to our bodies. Well starting tomorrow, I am going to really encourage myself to listen to what I need and not what others tell me I need. Tomorrow I will also fight. Fight the urge to to not fall back into habit. Sometimes I think a lot of times even after issues have been resolved or at least understood, people still engage in self-destructive behavior because it is just something they have always done – it’s more of a habit than a punishment or reward. And I have come too far to let myself down. It’s just a fact jack.

OOOOHH MAMA!

I am in a world of pain this morning my friends. I had no idea painting was such the flipping workout! My legs, back and heels are THROBBING!!This was an …experience… I can’t say I would so willingly decide to paint another room all by myself again. I am happy to say I did it, but uh, that is all. I am at Starbucks right now, so no pictures up yet. I think it looks so much better than the drab gray color, but damn, it was hard to cover up! One wall wouldn’t need as much paint and another would need a ton!! I used up EVERYTHING! It was bizarre! I think after hour five, all I could see was Chipotle as my reward… Unfortunately, I finished too late and didn’t get to have my burrito bowl:(

In other painting related news, I got paint everywhere! Seriously, any body part not covered by clothing was splashed. I should have taken a picture of my face, but what little vanity I have left just wouldn’t allow it! I had paint in my hair, on my cheek, under my eye, above my eye, on my eye lashes, on my arms, ALL over my feet …ahh! I was so happy to take a long shower. After shampooing my hair two times, I thought I got all of the paint out. As I was waiting in line a few minutes ago, I saw slivers of it in my hair STILL!! haha. It’s kind of a badge of honor… or laziness. I was in bed at 11:30 and woke up at ten. I was POOPED kids.

I cannot wait to see the finished product of this room! It has been fun, but I am spent! both with my energy and (cough, cough) budget! Pictures after everything is all touched up and put away. 🙂

Ok, now I must do some school work!!

love,
kat

Wear a Floppy Hat…

So the other day, my mom went with me to get some paint for the room and I redoing at the house. The man mixing it saw my long hair and said,

“You know what you do when you get paint in your hair?”

“No?”

“Just wear a big floppy hat.”

“While I’m painting? I have one…I can do that!”

I have a dumb moment there. My mom had to explain to me what he meant.

Today I am taping everything up and putting down the plastic tarp thing-y (obviously I sound like I know what I’m doing!) and will paint! I want to get all of it done today as I will be soooo much more busy starting next week! Oh and the “bar” came today! I will be asking for help on putting that together! I cannot wait to show you the finished product!

love,

kat

I Choose Love…

Good morning!

So, today my nonna would be 90 years old. It’s crazy to think that she isn’t here. I still look at the clock and see it’s 3pm. At 3 nonna had to take some medicine. It’s still an automatic thought to pick up my phone and call her. When there is thunder and lightning in the winter, my first thought is, “Nonna is freaking out!” She hated the sound of thunder! When I see old Italian people, (even when the rear end me) my heart hurts just a little. When I cross the street, I still begin to reach for the person’s hand next to me and when I see a bump on the sidewalk or a step I still warn people as I did with nonna.

When I think of the responsibility that was instilled in me, I think of nonna. When I think of a hot temper, I definitely think of her!! When I think of family, duh…I think of her. After someone we love dies, it is so easy to be “stuck”. After I began to break through some of my sadness over her death, I began to realize so much of my sadness was over her pain. I still deal with some of that, but for the most part there is a relief that the confusion, illness and pain she dealt with ended. I still miss her terribly, but I know it’s my “stuff” to deal with and that her pain is over. The motto I have started to put in practice is “it’s OK to miss her but keep moving”. Grief has no time period. I used to be so hard on myself when I would get these waves of emotion over her. It took me a long time to realize that missing her didn’t mean my recovery from her death was regressing. It was never two steps forward, one step back. It just took me a while to realize it. This doesn’t mean I am done grieving…it just means that I have to put on my big girl pants and deal with it. There is no turning back… I can’t go back and change a thing… I can only move forward, living a life and being a person she would be proud of. It’s not easy. Some days are, but some aren’t.

Today is not a day to be sad. Some of the most fulfilling days of my life so far have been with her. I sound like a broken record, but I love her… In my opinion we hold on to the people we love.  The trick is to not stay in that spot, in that time I had with her. It is not February of 2009… I refuse to go back to that day. I take our memories and move on. There are always going to be bumps in the road, that’s just life. But nonna is with me more today than she ever was before. I have become more sassy and determined over the last year and I have to say I think it’s because of her. We always have the choice to walk alone or with the memory of those we love. I choose love.

10 YEARS AGO ON HER 80TH BIRTHDAY!!!

Nonna with her own babies!

SASSY!

Feel the fear…

…and change your classes! Yeah, not the way that phrase should go but oh well! So you know how I was talking tap and ballroom dance?? well, I have decided to wait to take the ballroom class until I have a partner. You see, I have grown leaps and bounds when it comes to confidence, BUUUUT, I do not want to be the only one without a partner. So after haggling a bit with the dance school I am now doing ZUMBA and tap. It is pretty much more up my alley anyway. But I have not closed the door on ballroom… I was actually sad to give it up, so I will definitely put those shoes on again and dance!

Ok kids, I am off!! Exciting things are happening!

love,

kat

Project: Lookin’ Good;)

Good Morning WORLD!!

I thought I would show you some before and after pics… not of me (let’s say there are no afters…I am who I am…we’ll deal with me later) but of the back room my roommate is giving me free rein on. Luckily we got rid of the HUGE and OLD air hockey table. My goal is to turn it into something a little more…swanky!!

here are some BEFORE PICS:

As you can see, this is our “random, let’s throw this in here room”…

here are some things I have done so far…

I am sewing these pillow cases…oy!

It took me way to long to put this coffee table together…haha

Anyhoo, that is all I have for you for now. I am going to paint the room sometime this week. I am a little nervous, as I have NEVER done this before… but hey, there is nothing like being thrown into a challenge. I really like that about myself. Sure some things may take me wayyy too long to do, but I like to figure things out on my own. I feel like I spent a big part of my life waiting for someone to tell me what to do, who to be and where to go. It was easier to put decisions in other people’s hands because in a way, I trusted them more than I trusted myself. The last year or so has been so life changing for me that I cannot imagine EVER giving other people that power over me. I cannot complain about my life people. I am a lucky duck. 🙂 Now I just have to figure out how to sew and I’ll be good 😉

Until later peeps!